Table for Two, Mr Sparrowhawk?

Imagine going on a luxury cruise holiday around South America where your fellow passengers turn out to be a beautiful blonde ex-Miss World from Switzerland, a ventriloquist’s dummy, an Italian mobster and his wife, a Blackpool Landlady, a 1960s Beat Combo, Sea Legs & Co – a troupe of sexy girl dancers, an eccentric Lord, four undercover cops, a suitcase full of guns and a seven foot tall angry Scottish chef. What could possibly go wrong?

If diamonds are a girl’s best friend, why does Susan think Fanny has a screw loose? Why do Big Sharon and Randy Mandy have it in for Steve? What does our hero conceal under Doris Downing’s blue rinse syrup at the Disco?

Is professional dance host Vlad “Terry” Rasputin really a Russian, or is he actually from Preston? Why was that man wearing a thong in the ballroom? Will the Talent Show ever be the same again?

Totti is a super sexy Italian lady dripping with diamonds. Carlo and Mario wear shiny silk suits and have thin ankles. Danny is an enigma and Lord Toucan wears a top hat and tails every day. But which one of them has a big secret connected to the Royal Gilbert Hall?

Follow Steve Sparrowhawk’s hilarious daily adventures, mishaps, romps and japes on board the ship as he leaves a trail of chaos and destruction in his wake. Will he succumb to the temptations of the flesh? Will he disembark the ship as a multi-millionaire? Will he survive the cruise? Will anyone care?

Stephen enjoys writing books, mostly fiction and humour, loosely based on his many adventures around the world on cruise holidays.

When not writing, he works as an IT contractor and his hobbies are learning to play the piano, song-writing, going to the theatre, playing Bridge, classical music, pop music, gardening and jogging around the local cricket ground during the summer. His musical tastes are many and varied, but his favourites are The Rolling Stones, Bruce Springsteen, ZZ Top and The Who.

His grandmother once told him that the family were related to ‘Butch’ Cassidy on her side, who were the Parkers of Burnley. Stephen is keen to find firm evidence of this by tracing his family tree.

Stephen’s parents ran a guest house on the Fylde Coast, Lancashire, UK, where he enjoyed an idyllic childhood beside the seaside, played a lot of rugby at school and as a boy was an avid Blackpool FC supporter.

He has three older brothers and one younger sister.