Areus

Embark on the captivating journey of Areus, a brilliant Greek linguist whose life unfolds like an epic odyssey. From his early romances to ageless adventures, Areus’ charm knows no bounds, captivating women from his youth at 17 to the seasoned age of 75. His linguistic prowess opens doors to international business ventures across continents, blending professionalism with a thirst for challenge.At 19, he achieves incredible feats in a Danish lunatic asylum, later managing a five-star hotel and pioneering business ventures in the Emirates. Areus becomes a jeweller in the Middle East, selling exquisite gems to sheikhs, a football agent, and a high-stakes player in the Monte Carlo Casino. His entrepreneurial spirit takes him to the stock exchange as the owner of a public company, and he establishes restaurant and fitness centre chains in China.In the heart of China, where Alexander the Great’s legacy lingers, Areus finds himself drawn into a unique responsibility, intertwining his fate with young virgin girls to preserve a lineage reminiscent of the ancient conqueror. However, tragedy befalls him in Libya during an oil trade pursuit, as the Wagner Group abducts him, erasing his identity during 12 harrowing years in the desert.Yet, amidst the shadows, a poignant twist awaits. Areus, once lost in the abyss of memory loss, reunites with his family in a tragic yet ultimately joyous conclusion. The resilient linguist triumphs over adversity, piecing together the fragments of his past for a bittersweet resolution that underscores the enduring strength of the human spirit.

50 Chat-up Lines

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The Book of Shenanigans

Geoff is having a biblically bad day. For a start, his car gets written off and he loses his job at a call centre in Manchester. Then the Devil tells him he’s the Anti-Christ and unless he delivers the apocalypse, he’ll be tortured for eternity at a call centre in Hell. With the help of the Devil, his best friend, Rob, who turns out to be an infamous duke of Hell, and Mr Sox, a Hell hound trapped in a cat’s body, they are chased by the forces of good and that’s when all the fun starts…

The Book of Shenanigans is the word of God that is full of:

MORE Nuns with Guns                        MORE Talking Animals

MORE Decapitations                            MORE Cute Musical Satanists

MORE Cordless Drills                          MORE Evil Nazis

MORE Tea Drinking                             MORE Scary Stuff

IMPORTANT READING GUIDANCE

The following groups are strictly prohibited from reading The Book of Shenanigans:

British Royal Family               Cancel Culture                             Cartel Members

Catholic Church                      Cats                                               Folk Bands

Mexicans                                 Norwegian Blue Nose Rabbits     Nuns

Penguins                                  Satanists                                        Scots

Seal Pups                                 Serial Killers                                 Snowflakes

Swedes                                    Unicorns                                        Witches

Senior Pleasures

Overnight Tom Hartley became a grieving widower after years of happy marriage and rebuilt his life by making new friends and taking up new interests. He moved house and set up a gardening club which also helped elderly residents and arranged walks and other social activities. After a number of close friendships with lonely ladies, he fell in love with neighbour Helen who had been working with him on the gardening club. Concerned about Tom’s over-friendly nature, Helen insisted on a one-year engagement and that they should continue to live in separate homes for Tom to prove that he could resist temptation. All went well until a glamorous widow moved in next door and began making advances.

An unexpected event brought about a change in plans and Tom and Helen had to sell their homes and move to a rundown property requiring months of hard work and expense to restore. Despite their problems the couple have fun together and their love blossoms. 

Bees Make Honey and Butterflies Make Jam

No princesses were harmed in the production of this book except on page 13.

A collection of funny, wicked, modern fairytales, full of princesses, aliens, church mice, buttonholes, frogs, the W.I., and lots of playful mischief — Tom Wells.

I laughed so much I spat out my tea
— Samantha Drummond-Hay.