Happy Never After?

Harry had been a happy-go-lucky member of the human race until his girlfriend of two years decided she preferred the company of her own gender. Since then his life had become a downward spiral of misery and self-pity. His best friend Paulie had been as supportive as any male can be, but he too was beginning to drown in Harry’s woes, as were the rest of their group. Together with his twin sister Sarah, Paulie was determined to get Harry ‘back on the horse’ and find a girl. They knew that if that endeavour was to have any chance of success, he would need to recover his happier self. Thus began Harry’s quest to trawl through some of the myriad alternative therapies in a desperate attempt to ‘pull himself together’. Unfortunately for Harry, ‘Murphy’s law’ was a reality and anything that could go wrong, did, usually in the most unlikely and worst possible ways. The adage ‘There’s always someone worse off than you’ is true and in the world of alternative therapy that person is Harry. Throughout this rather painful journey of self-discovery, his awareness of deepening feelings for Sarah slowly develops. Join Harry through the trials and tribulations of his journey to enlightenment and hopefully love. This is his story.

Grope

Be very careful before you decide to buy this book because it might give you ideas!

Judge Jury, pillar of society, makes one drunken mistake which turns his life upside down. Although now considered a despicable character by all, including his wife, he picks himself up with the help of a new-found friend he met at Her Majesty’s pleasure and gets to his feet.
His career now in shreds and his generous income no more, he receives some invaluable advice from his new-found friend: start stealing things. You will be amazed how easy it can be.

So this is why I warn you to be careful before you approach the cashier to pay for what you hold in your hands. This book could get you into trouble. Big trouble.

Ginton Abbey: Volume Two

It’s Saturday and after yesterday’s shenanigans, what could the occupants of Ginton Abbey get up to today?

His Lordship awakes with an urge (no, not that one!) “Let’s all go to the seaside!”

This goes down extremely well with most, but Mrs Spanner has too many bad memories and sulks. Kitty is smitten, for real this time, and not just a quick fumble in the bushes, coal shed or wash house… oh, you’ll get it!

Will her Ladyship and the butler be able to keep their hands off each other?

Will Mrs Spanner’s gravy maim or kill anyone?

Will the secret of Molly finally be revealed?

From Sitzkrieg to Blitzkrieg

I’d seen chaps killed before, of course: Tuppy Horton was the first; accidentally garroted by his own braces, whilst playing ‘Cowboys and Indians’ back in 1922. There had been raw terror in poor old Tuppy’s bulging, bloodshot eyes as he dangled by his neck from that apple tree, while the rest of us just stood and gawped. Then there was Stiffy Plantagenet; who was knocked down on the tennis court at his home, by a motor car driven (in reverse) by his inebriated Aunt Agatha – I seem to remember that Plantagenet was absent from school for quite some time before it was announced by the Headmaster that old Stiffy had finally shuffled-off his bucket, kicked his clogs, and popped his mortal coil.

I have just remembered another one, too: Benjamin Alistair Drayton, who drowned in Tatlock Pond (whilst I warmed my palms on his sister Millicent’s bare breasts in a nearby thicket). I didn’t actually see him drown, of course (having, as I did, my hands rather full at the time), but I watched Mr Mulgrew and Constable Pinchworthy fish Drayton’s lifeless, floppy corpse from the stagnant water afterwards.

This was the first time that I’d seen a chap killed so horribly though; a shell had exploded nearby and shrapnel had completely smashed Simpson’s face in; his belly was torn wide-open, and his wet, shiny innards spilled out onto the brown earth. (Needless to say, he did not live for long.) I paused for a moment, drew a deep breath, and then vomited so hard that my backside trumpeted loudly. (“Pffrrrt!”)

Enter Others

Enter Others is a sequel to Enter Spice. The endearing characters of the novel are Toby (an Irish Wolfhound), Roxy (a Boxer), Princess (a Labrador), and Curly (a Poodle).

Their ‘coming out’, or revealing their talents, is through a television interview with an annoying interviewer who doesn’t like dogs, but the four dogs ‘get the better of him’.

They receive great praise from preventing the robbery attempts of two criminals, from rescuing trapped miners in a collapsed shaft in a coal mine, and from proving themselves to be extraordinary at a number of sports.

When Princess is injured by bullies, Toby and Roxy seek revenge, but at the last moment they decide that doing so would make them no better than the bullies themselves.

They begin to help people who are not as fortunate as others (the old, the disabled and prisoners), and learn an important lesson from Private, a homeless man who is not what he appears to be.

They are approached to be superheroes in an action movie, but the venture has a comical result, and teaches the dogs another lesson.

The conclusion to the ‘dog trilogy’ is a heart-warming ending to the growing status of dogs.

Driving Mister Crazy

While waiting for her Australian visa to arrive, Jane leaves Zimbabwe to spend a year in England caring for the eccentric Mr Hazey.

‘You have to wear a seatbelt, Mr Hazey, it’s the law.’

‘Well, I don’t.’

Jane is tempted to return to Africa immediately, but stubborn pride makes her linger, long enough to meet Dr Bower. An awkward attraction develops, and several colourful characters embark on the bumpy rollercoaster ride – an outdated stately home – haunted secret garden – hidden past and impossible love affair.

Dosser's Dreams

We all dream when we sleep. Whether you can remember your dreams is neither here nor there as we all daydream.

Both nocturnal dreams and daydreams are part of our mental health and how we see and interpret the world.

Dosser’s Dreams are about the dreams of Dosser, a fictional character that emanates from his dreams.

Coffee Time

The essence of a good writer is to find that ‘writer’s moment’ – that little piece of observable idiosyncratic behaviour where humour lives. How Susanna loves to discover those eccentricities in people’s characters that she can frame on her artist’s canvas.

Humour is found in the ordinary, the everyday, the awkward and the sublimely ridiculous events that grace our faces. When faced with the Covid-19 pandemic during 2020 Susanna’s pen had hardly time to rest between scenarios, furiously recording stories, such as the stupidity of the Tissue Issue – ‘Spare a Square,’ or about the sneaky company tricks in ‘Plays and Ploys’.

Other stories share precious family time with her little granddaughter, whilst many raise issues prevalent in all our lives. Instead of becoming exasperated by incompetence, or the folly of people’s foolishness, Susanna’s pen quickly slips into writing mode to create each immensely amusing saga.

‘That Perfect Little Writing Day’

Knock, knock.

“Who’s there?”

“Me,” a newly turned three-year-old gives her nanny a kiss.

“Where did you come from?”

“From the door.”

“How d’you get here?”

“I walked. Silly Nanny – I don’t drive!”

The stories and poems are written for entertainment. Coffee Time invites you into the coffee shop to sip one or more of the delicious brews on offer. Please stay a while and chat and share these little treasures with your family and friends.

Class Act

Biggsy is an idealistic 50-year-old English teacher in a West London boys’ secondary school. A maverick head of department who battled against the educational establishment for twenty-five years, he’s beginning to crack. His departmental colleagues love him, but he suspects that the school’s management team is out to get rid of him.

His wife, Myra, a medical secretary, is his mainstay. She patiently endures his total commitment to his calling without complaint. However, when she realises that his work is taking an inordinate emotional toll on his personality, her patience wears thin.

Through his exchanges with teenage Ella, their only child, Biggsy reveals his beliefs about the connections between literary theory and the lives we all lead. But a violent assault on one of his students, an unexpected sexual encounter and professional betrayal expose the flaws in his philosophy. He discovers that trying to think one’s way through life is all very well, but the time comes when one has to act. 

Cherries

The London Borough of North Wick hasn't got anything going for it till the Chief Executive of the Council makes some big plans.

She wants to put it on the map for all time, but her plans go awry with the help of the Urban Farm and the local street girls.

Mix into that a Russian oligarch and his plans for a take-over, and the metamorphosis by her downtrodden PA make this the cure reception of the century.

Bye-Bye, Inglaterra

In Bye Bye Inglaterra, Horace’s life is seemingly simple with only one daily decision to make - whether to walk or drive to work. However, this routine is about to be shattered when his bosses plot to get rid of him before selling the company for a hefty profit. Horace is completely blindsided when a sudden explosion rocks his world in the dead of night, leaving him and his wife Delia plunged into a sea of uncertainty and financial ruin. To many, Horace’s life would seem like a leisurely stroll through the park, but he had no idea what lay ahead as the gates of opportunity were about to slam shut on him. Follow Horace as he navigates the turbulent waters of unemployment and struggles to stay afloat in a world that has turned against him.

Bees Make Honey and Butterflies Make Jam

No princesses were harmed in the production of this book except on page 13.

A collection of funny, wicked, modern fairytales, full of princesses, aliens, church mice, buttonholes, frogs, the W.I., and lots of playful mischief — Tom Wells.

I laughed so much I spat out my tea
— Samantha Drummond-Hay.