This is a personal story of a life marred by the psychiatric condition OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). The full nature of this complex disorder, the varied symptoms and its ability to wreak havoc on normal everyday life is accurately retold from 30+ years of notes and psychological diaries. But unlike many such 'troubled life stories' which detail different symptoms when and where they developed, and end with the sufferer eventually seeking some form of professional help, this account in itself is a serious in-depth study of the psychological motivation behind and reasons for the development and persistence of this particular case of OCD. Initially based on five and a half years of psychoanalysis during the 1980s, the author's personal quest for self-understanding continued for years. This protracted inner journey and the insights it produced into the underlying nature of OCD form the essence of this book.