The Official Skiver's Handbook

Have you ever noticed how some people seem to get away with doing very little productive work on a daily basis, often to the frustration and annoyance of their colleagues?

Some of these people are just lazy, and you would expect that a good manager will deal with their performance issues sooner rather than later. Some of them are just in a job that they clearly don’t like, aren’t suited to or can’t wait to leave. These people usually don’t stick around for very long before leaving and moving on to another job.

The other type of person is a skiver. A skiver will use all of their experience, skill and knowledge to find ways to do as little work as they can get away with, often while appearing to be a productive and popular member of the team.

This book is for you if you want to learn how to become one.

The Lighter Side

In our lives we encounter many difficult or tricky situations that can make us upset or angry. Susanna prefers to see The Lighter Side of life when this happens. This seems to happen too often, as her readers will see, but as she professes – every experience, good or bad, is fodder for a story!

This collection of stories shares many amusing, as well as poignant responses to life’s little challenges. Many of the stories share Susanna’s husband’s journey along his terminal illness pathway—cancer is a beast! It attacks suddenly, without warning and without manners. It is unrelenting, unmerciful and does not care for feelings. It demands power and wins in the end. Despite Susanna’s incredible efforts to extend her husband’s life, the ‘beast’ became the victor. The Lighter Side shows that all experiences are opportunities to make the most of life’s Pandora's box. It can either be a treasure trove of goodies, as Pandora had expected, or it can be a box of moths!

Susanna’s sagas are her Pandora's box – her chocolate box of mixed delights that she shares with her friends. Her readers all tell her how they respond to each different story, and she is always fascinated by their different responses—we all respond differently to life’s encounters.

The House on Juniper Drive

The house on Juniper Drive becomes home to an assortment of people who take residence there and impact on the life of Judy Vernon from child to adult.

As a rather precocious child, Judy discovers a sixth sense within her. For some reason unbeknown to her there’s a link, a strong connection to this one house.

As Judy grows from childhood into adulthood, she feels a great need to one day own the house on Juniper Drive. But as time passes the likelihood of this ever happening seems to be nothing more than a pipedream. An impossibility.

But can the impossible really happen and a horror be uncovered?

The Haunting of Gaspard Feeblebunny

Young Constable Gaspard Feeblebunny is unfortunate that one evening on a lonely road he sees Death attempting to harvest the soul of Percy Pargeter which has done a runner. It is doubly unfortunate that the new wizkid in the afterlife civil service decides that Death should have an assistant to handle such a mundane task as tracking down ghosts, because Feeblebunny is pressganged into service as a human subcontractor, though with some powers to assist with his task.

This is the beginning of a series of civil service bungles which leave the unhappy constable with a houseful of ghosts and the enmity of a psychotic Sergeant Hardcastle who is out to do him harm. Over time the ghosts are able to join their powers and take control of the young man’s life. This turns out to be a mixed blessing because though they cause mayhem, they also make him a very wealthy man with a series of ventures, not all of which are a spectacular success, particularly their establishment of his flat as a ScareBnB with neither his knowledge nor consent.

The Flared Black Skirt

In this insightful and thought-provoking selection of poems, the reader is taken on a journey through life and death, love and heartbreak, joy and hardship: in other words, human existence in its myriad aspects.
Written in deceptively simple language and often in the form of homilies and riddles, these poems cast the familiar in an unfamiliar light.
Skilfully employing repeating patterns, personification and metaphor, the author offers a compelling reflection on who we are and how we navigate the world around us.

The Dentwood Nudists

Claude Ball marries his childhood sweetheart and works in her father’s garage which he takes over when his father-in-law dies. After his wife dies he sells the garage, and becomes involved in the local naturist club which he then buys. There are problems with the local lads and the naturists take action. This is publicised by the local paper and gives great amusement to the town. Meanwhile, the new owner of the garage and his secretary cause mayhem in the hotel after a sexy romp on a business trip. The secretary marries a car salesman from the garage and they cause chaos on a motorway whilst driving a big American car. There is also more chaos when the local hunt gets out of control and causes havoc by crashing into the naturist club grounds.

The Boy Who Has No Name

Imagine, if you can, being born with cerebral palsy and being abandoned by your parents who leave you in a cardboard box outside an unmanned police station, then to live out your life generally ignored and strapped to a medical trolley with little or no proper stimulation. This is the story of an acute mind masked by a crippled frame and hampered by a difficulty with communication. He is a human being who has never socialised with other people and shows signs of abject aggression in reality, hiding his frustrations. John lives in a children's home and is befriended quite by chance by a young visitor of his own age. As their relationship develops, it becomes quite clear that John has a great intellect and has not only taught himself to read, but has an affinity for foreign languages. The book charts his journey from that initial meeting through his improvement with mobility and communication aides, his desperate need to have his own identity and his varying and at times difficult relationship with the staff and residents of the home. For those that look away in embarrassment at disabled or disadvantaged people or worse, go to the opposite extreme and fuss over them, then this is the book you should read. It may make you laugh, it may even make you cry but it will hopefully make you think.

The Book of Shenanigans

Geoff is having a biblically bad day. For a start, his car gets written off and he loses his job at a call centre in Manchester. Then the Devil tells him he’s the Anti-Christ and unless he delivers the apocalypse, he’ll be tortured for eternity at a call centre in Hell. With the help of the Devil, his best friend, Rob, who turns out to be an infamous duke of Hell, and Mr Sox, a Hell hound trapped in a cat’s body, they are chased by the forces of good and that’s when all the fun starts…

The Book of Shenanigans is the word of God that is full of:

MORE Nuns with Guns                        MORE Talking Animals

MORE Decapitations                            MORE Cute Musical Satanists

MORE Cordless Drills                          MORE Evil Nazis

MORE Tea Drinking                             MORE Scary Stuff

IMPORTANT READING GUIDANCE

The following groups are strictly prohibited from reading The Book of Shenanigans:

British Royal Family               Cancel Culture                             Cartel Members

Catholic Church                      Cats                                               Folk Bands

Mexicans                                 Norwegian Blue Nose Rabbits     Nuns

Penguins                                  Satanists                                        Scots

Seal Pups                                 Serial Killers                                 Snowflakes

Swedes                                    Unicorns                                        Witches

Table for Two, Mr Sparrowhawk?

Imagine going on a luxury cruise holiday around South America where your fellow passengers turn out to be a beautiful blonde ex-Miss World from Switzerland, a ventriloquist’s dummy, an Italian mobster and his wife, a Blackpool Landlady, a 1960s Beat Combo, Sea Legs & Co – a troupe of sexy girl dancers, an eccentric Lord, four undercover cops, a suitcase full of guns and a seven foot tall angry Scottish chef. What could possibly go wrong?

If diamonds are a girl’s best friend, why does Susan think Fanny has a screw loose? Why do Big Sharon and Randy Mandy have it in for Steve? What does our hero conceal under Doris Downing’s blue rinse syrup at the Disco?

Is professional dance host Vlad “Terry” Rasputin really a Russian, or is he actually from Preston? Why was that man wearing a thong in the ballroom? Will the Talent Show ever be the same again?

Totti is a super sexy Italian lady dripping with diamonds. Carlo and Mario wear shiny silk suits and have thin ankles. Danny is an enigma and Lord Toucan wears a top hat and tails every day. But which one of them has a big secret connected to the Royal Gilbert Hall?

Follow Steve Sparrowhawk’s hilarious daily adventures, mishaps, romps and japes on board the ship as he leaves a trail of chaos and destruction in his wake. Will he succumb to the temptations of the flesh? Will he disembark the ship as a multi-millionaire? Will he survive the cruise? Will anyone care?

Steeple City

Steeple City is set in Cork City, Ireland and is a humorous story of how selfishness and loneliness can consume a family whose mother dies giving birth. We get to see life through the eyes of the main character Fin, a funny, lying, stealing fourteen-year-old bastard who despises his older gay brother and womanising father. The only rock in his life is his granny “The Mad Mullah”. The more hardship Fin inflicts or is inflicted upon him the more relatable he becomes. His toxic humour helps him and the reader navigate a year in his life. Fin’s immediate and extended family experience a year of love, laughter and death where an array of characters enter Steeple City with their own unique self-destructive story.

Senior Singles

Tom Hartley retires and soon afterwards his wife dies. After years of happy marriage, he is left alone in the large family home. Realising that he has to build himself a new life, he moves into a smaller house, tries new activities and makes new friends amongst other lonely senior singles. He takes Spanish lessons, tries yoga, singles holidays, dancing, tennis and crosses America along Route 66, all with hilarious consequences as he throws himself into his new lifestyle. After gaining and losing one love, he finds another very unexpectedly.

Senior Pleasures

Overnight Tom Hartley became a grieving widower after years of happy marriage and rebuilt his life by making new friends and taking up new interests. He moved house and set up a gardening club which also helped elderly residents and arranged walks and other social activities. After a number of close friendships with lonely ladies, he fell in love with neighbour Helen who had been working with him on the gardening club. Concerned about Tom’s over-friendly nature, Helen insisted on a one-year engagement and that they should continue to live in separate homes for Tom to prove that he could resist temptation. All went well until a glamorous widow moved in next door and began making advances.

An unexpected event brought about a change in plans and Tom and Helen had to sell their homes and move to a rundown property requiring months of hard work and expense to restore. Despite their problems the couple have fun together and their love blossoms.